A mother’s love

Dear Lexi,

I started writing this post to you over a year ago as a way to help release some of my thoughts and emotions on tragedies that have happened in our neighborhood and across the country. There were too many sad and horrible things that happened your first year of life. Our neighbor’s house burnt down, a man killed 20 innocent 1st graders in school, two boys set of bombs during the Boston Marathon, there was a murder in our neighborhood and much more.

When I first began writing this post, I didn’t necessarily know how to make sense of what I was feeling, and basically just documented the events and how terrible they were and how sad they made me. But now, as time has gone by and the shock of these horrible things has diminished, the thing that sticks with me is a mother’s love.

Sad and horrible things have been happening my entire life. As I would hear about them, I would agree they were sad and felt bad for the people involved, but never had tragedies touched my heart in the way they have since I found out I was pregnant with you. Now, I can’t help but selfishly think, What if that was me? I’m instantly brought to tears and my stomach churns as if I’m going to be sick. I can not imagine life without you and feel for the pain these families go through.

I always thought I knew what the phrase ‘A mother’s love’ meant, but after having you, I realized the feeling is so much stronger and deeper than I ever imagined.

Lexi, you are my world and can’t imagine life without you in it. You make the sun feel warmer, the flowers more fragrant, your giggles are contagious and life is just straight-up more joyful with you in it. I pray there isn’t a day that I have to experience what unfortunately so many other mothers around the world face. And I prey that one day you are blessed with your own little angle so you can experience ‘a mother’s love’, because it is an amazing and powerful thing.

Love,

Mama

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Lexi One Year Three Months (15 months)

Dear Lexi Lou,

My sweet girl, you are a quarter of the way through your second year of life! You are growing and learning at a massive rate. It is getting harder and harder to keep things out of your hands. You open drawers, grab things off the table, and can see above the window sill. Your comprehension is remarkable with new words and behaviors surfacing everyday. Your independence is starting to shine through and you are developing quiet the sense of humor.

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Favorite Monthly Moments:

During one of our ‘Mommy-Lexi date nights’ you were feeling extra sweet and maybe a little tired while swimming. Your little fingers clung the back of my arms and nuzzled your head onto my shoulder and just cuddled for two minutes while we swam around. It was such a sweet and peaceful moment. I know you love and rely on me greatly but this small gesture really showed it, which is a completely ridiculous statement considering your 15 months and you don’t know anything else and there is no reason for you to not feel this way. But, it really was a heart warmer.

We’ve tried to catch you while you’re going ‘poo’ (as you like to call it) and put you on the potty to help avoid your nasty diaper rashes. We’re not necessarily trying to potty-train you as we know you’re too young, but pamper your sensitive little tush. Most of the time, we catch you just as you have finished your business, but we have had a couple of successful attempts at both poo and potty. So far, it has seemed to help as we haven’t had any bad diaper rashes this month.

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After a successful potty trip, you were enjoying your fruit snack treat while I was unloading the dishwashing and peeked your way and found you squatting on your chair over a big pile of poo! So funny and gross!

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Daddy has been working with you on telling us how old you are. When we ask, ‘How old are you?’ your proudly hold up your pointer finger!

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You’ve started watching shows on the ipad. You’re very favorite is Choo Choo Bobs, but have also watched Sesame Street, Barney, Thomas the Train and Baby Einstein. Interestingly, you’ll only watch these on the ipad—not the TV. I think the TV is up too high and too far away to keep you engaged.

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While looking at pictures we often ask ‘who is that’. This month you started to answer and even point and identify without asking. We were at Grandma’s house and you saw pictures of Mama, and you pointed and say ‘ma-ma’.

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You have officially mastered putting together the signs ‘more’ ‘please’, and use them all the time. If you want music on, or even a different song to play, you waddle over to the computer hit the desk, sign ‘more’ ‘please’ and point to the computer. Watching you learn to communicate has been so fun. It has been so helpful for both you and us as we know what you want. Less crying and whining is always a plus in my book!

You’ve become a stuffed animal hoarder! You demand to have as many stuffed animals as you can hold in your little arms whenever leaving your crib. We’ll come into your room and you quickly start gathering as many of your friends as you can fit into your arms, look at us and say ‘up’. In the rare instance you’re distracted upon leaving, you will hold our hands bringing us to your room point to your crib and sign ‘please’ while point to your animals. You are only satisfied if your arms are full.

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One of my favorite things every night is playing ‘I’m gonna get you.’ You run and laugh hysterically, while i crawl after and chase you (creative game, I know). Your giggles are the harmony of my heart and I love seeing the excitement in your eyes as you look over your shoulder and see me about to ‘get you’. Your constant enjoyment of life is such a good reminder to just let things go because it does no good to dwell, worry, be angry or anticipate tomorrow. The simplicity of your life to ‘live today and love today’ is something I try and do more of everyday.

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Notes:

Many of your 18 M clothes are too short and you are transitioning into 2T clothes (especially shirts).

You’re 32 inches (90-95%), 26 lbs. and 10 oz (95-98%) and head size is 47.5 inches (75-90 %)

New words: Poo, Two, Toy, cuw-claw=turtle, cu-ca=cup cake, and lots of attempts at imitating words, OK, bless you, ahh-choo, thank you

We’re working on nodding our head ‘yes’ instead of always saying ‘no’

Occasionally you’ll follow directions. After brushing your teeth, I asked if you could go put your toothbrush away, hoping you would just bring it into the bathroom, but you blew my socks off by opening the drawer and putting your toothbrush away. I’ve also asked you to help pick up your bath toys and playing cards and you happily oblige.

Your top right tooth had been sitting on the edge of your gums just begging to poke through for weeks and it finally did the last couple days of the month. Your bottom left molar also came through at the same time which made your temper flare up. You seemed to beg for medicine, we think. You kept begging to go to the medicine cabinet. At the time, I thought only your top tooth that was coming in and it had already broke through so I didn’t give you anything, but after a couple days, felt your molar and felt awful making you suffer through that pain.

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I love you so much bunkie boo. You are such a happy and laid back little girl and I love being your ma-ma.

Love, Ma-ma

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