You totally underestimated the complexity of two kids! Everyone always talks about how your first kid change your life in how you can’t do things the way you used to. It’s not that I disagree with that but Lexi seemed to just fit into our life like she had always been there. It didn’t feel like we had to make too many adjustments to our lifestyle. Baby 2 is a whole different ballgame in every way possible.
To begin with, it has been more challenging to bond with William as I’m so preoccupied with Lexi. There is significantly less time sitting, holding and snuggling William. As soon as he is sleeping, he is in the rock and play so I can clean the house, make breakfast/lunch/dinner, play with Lexi or make sure she isn’t into something.
And I feel terrible about that. Like really terrible, like makes me think sometimes that I love him less terrible. The rational side of my knows this is absurd. My heart and my brain know that I love this sweet boy to the deepest depths of the ocean, yet that irrational, hormone-flowing crazy person inside of me puts these thoughts into my head.
To add to that, I don’t feel like I’m giving Lexi enough. I rely on the TV far too often to keep her out of things and to give myself just a second to relax. She is always into something and it is hard to keep her out of things that I don’t want her to be in. She’ll go and get playdough and I just don’t have the energy for her to play with it knowing the big mess she’ll make and supervision she’ll need. I feel guilty not always sitting down and coloring with her because there are crumbs all over the floor that are getting tracked through the rest of the house, a pile of dishes, a load of laundry that needs to get put in the dryer because the outfit I soaked from yesterday’s blowout is starting to dry and then the stain really won’t come out and I haven’t brushed my teeth yet today. These tasks just eat away at me as I’m sitting there trying to color with her and give her the attention she needs and deserves.
I keep thinking of all those Moms out there with 3 or more kids and give you mad props. Being a mom of multiple kids is no joke! I pray that it will get easier over time and we’re just in the transition stage, but holy hell, this transition stuff plays some crazy games with your sanity.